My Useless Oscar Predictions (2015 Edition)

And once again, it’s time to prove that I know nothing about movies. Regular readers know this already, new readers: Welcome to the show.

I shoudn’t say that I know nothing about films, when it’s the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences handing out the awards, and it is what their collective thought process is in any given year that I am trying to predict, as opposed to what actually should win.

And the award for “Most Convoluted Run On Sentence” goes to….

Here the nominees:

Original Song: “Glory” from Selma

Original Score: Alexandre Desplat

Sound Editing: American Sniper

Sound Mixing: Whiplash

Visual Effects: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Makeup and Hairstyling: Is it just me, or is there a scarcity of women in these nominated films? I’ll go with The Grand Budapest Hotel, since Steve Carell’s nose in Foxcatcher is more of a visual effect. I’m glad that wasn’t in 3D.

Costume Design: Into the Woods, for no real reason. Inherent Vice is too “thrift shop,” while Mr. Turner doesn’t have the plethora of overly elaborate gowns that voters look for in period films.

Foreign Language Film: Ida; but Leviathan has an outside shot.

Live Action Short Film: Aya. Do you really think the Academy will give an Oscar to a film called Boogaloo and Graham, or Butter Lamp? Boogaloo and Graham sounds like something that would star Ron O’Neal and Roger Moore. As for Butter Lamp? I’m not going there.

*Cough* Marlon Brando *Cough, cough*
Documentary Short: *Closes eyes and draws from a stylish hat* Joanna

Documentary Feature: Citizenfour

Animated Short Film: Feast; Duh.

Animated Feature: How to Train Your Dragon 2; not that I care.

Production Design: If The Grand Budapest Hotel wins, it will only validate and encourage Wes Anderson, whose films I adore. So… The Imitation Game.

Cinematography: Birdman

Film Editing: This is a tough one. I have a gut feeling that Whiplash will win, but I wouldn’t be shocked if it’s American Sniper.

Adapted Screenplay: Gone Girl. Wait what? Okay, Wild. Seriously!?! Give me a sec. Oddly enough, Inherent Vice is the one with the least amount of controversy surrounding it, but I don’t for a minute think it will win. There is no “safe bet,” so I will pick The Theory of Everything, which means The Imitation Game will win.

Original Screenplay: Umm… Birdman? My second choice is Boyhood.

Director: This is a tough one. Bennett Miller is nominated despite Foxcatcher’s lack of a nom for Best Picture. An arguement could be made that James Marsh (The Theory of Everything) should have taken Miller’s spot, or that Foxcatcher should have been nominated for Best Picture, since up to ten films can be nominated in a year. This is not unprecedented. John Huston was nominated for Best Director, but his film, The African Queen, wasn’t. I think there are other examples, but I’m not Robert Osborne, and I’m too lazy to Google it.

So… I will hesitantly choose Alejandro G. Inarritu.

Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette

Supporting Actor: J.K. Simmons

Actress: Julianne Moore

Actor: Remember late last summer when the first pics from Foxcatcher were released, and everyone was all like, “Steve Carell is totally unrecognizable! He will win all the awards!” When Foxcatcher was released, everyone proclaimed, “How about Michael Keaton!?! Birdman is awesome!!!” That’s how it goes: The nose maketh not the Oscar.

Michael Keaton and Eddie Redmayne have split the awards in the run up to the Oscars. I think it will go to Keaton; not by a nose, but more as a “Career Achievement.”

Best Picture: I think there will be a split vote in the sense that since I picked Inarritu to win Best Director, Boyhood will win Best Picture. The opposite could happen with Richard Linklater taking Director, and Birdman bringing home Picture. I chose the former because Linklater also produced Boyhood, which means he will get a statue if his film wins Best Picture. That way, everyone goes home happy.

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