Getaway (2013 movie)

Ethan Hawke IS Brent Magna IN Getaway.

That sounded so much funnier in my head, because I was saying it using Tom Servo’s voice. This isn’t the sort of film you would see on Mystery Science Theater 3000, since there’s not a lot to work with. Getaway isn’t a bad movie, but it ain’t good either. I would say it’s perfect for viewing on TNT on a slow weekend afternoon; if one were so inclined. And your remote isn’t working.

You know you are in trouble when a film starts with “Jingle Bell Rock,” and the actress who played Kelly on Cheers isn’t high as a kite and taking a swan dive out the window. Brent Magma (Ethan Hawke) comes home to find that his wife Leanne (Rebecca Budig) is missing. He receives a phone call from a mysterious stranger (Jon Voight, billed as “The Voice”) who tells him to go to a parking garage and steal a car. It’s not just any car–it’s a Shelby Super Snake. Brent is then instructed to drive around Sofia, Bulgaria and do everything The Voice says.

Sofia Bulgaria sounds like the name of someone I hooked up with at the Claremont Lounge. Or was it Florence Italy? I can’t remember–it was the Nineties.

Anyway, this kid tries to carjack Brett, but he’s having none of it. It turns out that “The Kid” (Selena Gomez) owns the Shelby, and she wants it back. Getaway is the kind of movie where characters are called “The Kid” and “The Voice,” and no, it’s not quite cool enough to pull it off.

The reason Brent and The Kid are on this seemingly wild goose chase is so that they can clear a path for the guys The Voice tasked with robbing a bank. A bank that The Kid’s dad just so happens to work at. The Kid tries to turn the tables on The Voice, since she is also a computer hacker. Of course she is. Add another name to the long list of “Hot Hackers” that are found in works of fiction.

Getaway was directed by Courtney Solomon, who gave us the cinematic masterpiece Dungeons & Dragons. I will give him credit for not using CGI during the stunts, which is more than I can say about a lot of other movies. But in this post-Ronin world, it takes a lot to impress me, and Getaway failed on every account. In this type of film, the stunts get top billing, but there wasn’t anything that I haven’t seen done better in any number of other movies or television series. Transporter comes to mind.

Hawke and Gomez did a good job with what they were given. Maybe too good. The script by Sean Finegan and Gregg Maxwell Parker gave them nothing to work with. You could say that the car was the star, but I guess that “honor” would go to GoPro, or whomever it was that manufactured the cameras that were plastered all over the Shelby. I do know that Alpine made the navagation system; which is nice, considering I hadn’t seen anything from them since the Eighties.

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