The Super Bowl Matchup Nobody Wanted

The New England Patriots will play the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl LI and the world feels “meh.” The Patriots made the “Big Game” for the seventh time in the 21st Century, and nine times over all; who would have guessed that back in the day? This will mark the Falcons second appearance, which is two more times than anyone ever thought. Especially when you remember the club was originally owned by Rankin Smith.

Don’t get me started.

I don’t know how many Patriots fans there are outside of New England. Pats Nation is not as massive as Red Sox Nation, but the football team didn’t have a long, long history of spectacular failure.

You could say that nobody likes a winner, but there are other reasons not to like the Pats, if you are so inclined. Coach Bill Belichick is arrogant, but unlike most people, he has the trophies to back him up. And they’re not for participation.

Some people hate Tom Brady, but that feeling comes from jealousy. He’s way too handsome, and he’s married to Gisele Bundchen. Nobody hates him because he’s good at his job–maybe the best ever. So what if he awkward-dances, and does photo shoots with goats? If I was Tom Brady, I’d do whatever I wanted.

A lot of people don’t like the Falcons because Atlanta. ESPN likes to focus on the fans that don’t show up as opposed to the ones that do. The low turnout stems from the fact we’ve seen this movie before. Maybe you want to pay to watch Zoolander 2 every night, but most of us have better things to do.

You can bring up the Braves of the 1990s, but they were like the TV series Heroes: they had one good season. At some point you have to pick up the remote and change the channel.

While the Patriots being in Super Bowl LI is as predictable as the cast of an Adam Sandler movie, no one called Falcons in any preseason picks. Even though they had a great season, I thought the Falcons were a year away. No one paid attention to them during the regular season, because they were busy being distracted by the shiny thing in Dallas. Or is it a soap opera? Jerry Jones is still waiting for Jimmy Johnson to step out of the shower and tell him the past two decades were just a bad dream.

I knew the Cowboys would collapse, (because that’s what they do) but I thought they had a shot against the Green Bay Packers. Boy was I wrong. If they weren’t the Cowboys, I might have felt bad for them.

I knew the Falcons would beat the Seattle Seahawks because their era (as it was) is over. The Seahawks are overrated, and I mean that in the actual sense, not in the Meryl Streep sense. Atlanta squeaked by Green Bay during the regular season, so I had my concerns. Aaron Rodgers is a bad man, and if all his teammates had been healthy, things might have been different. But it worked out for the ATL in the end.



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