Hollywood is Full of Hacks part 4: Bad, Just Bad

Among all the stuff that was found on the computers at Sony Pictures was a version of the script for the next James Bond film: SPECTRE. I didn’t read the script; like I have the time. But I did read an overview. Don’t worry, I am NOT going to spoil it for you, but I am going to dance around things, speak in generalities, and explain what’s wrong without telling you what’s wrong.

Basically, it’s like all my other posts.

The general concensus amongst those in the know at Sony Pictures (giggle) is that the third act of SPECTRE, for the lack of a better term, sucks donkey. As legendary filmmaker Billy Wilder once told Cameron Crowe, “If you have a problem with the third act, the real problem is in the first act.” There is a reason why Wilder is considered a genius, and much of it lies in this quote. More people in Hollywood should heed his advice. Not only that, they should stop thinking that the three act structure is the only way to tell a story. But that’s another post for another day.

Does SPECTRE have a first act problem? Yep. I simply do not buy into a certain part of the premise. Another part I love, and think is quite clever. Admitedly, this may not be the actual final draft, so who knows? They may remove the part I like.

There is also a… How do I put this? A (REDACTED) that happens, and I am calling b.s. on it. I know that the series was rebooted with Casino Royale, and everything is a blank slate, but why?! Some of you may be wondering if what I am refering to has anything to do with a certain something that was mentioned in the novel Carte Blanche, written by Jeffery Deaver, which was a reboot of the novels. No, this is not that.

Yeah. That last paragraph got away from me.

I am trying to keep my temper under control. I even let my first draft sit overnight in hope that I would just calm the fuck down, or that it would turn out to be a bad dream, or that I would magically become a decent writer, but no. I apologize for the language, but the Bond series brings out the passion in me–for better or worse. I was a Bond fan before Star Wars came along; I’m old. Both film series mean a lot to me, and when I feel they are being done wrong by, it pisses me off.

Why do some people feel the need to add superfluous plot points to stories? The same could be said about blog posts, but enough about me. When properties have been around as long as the Bond films and novels, at some point they are taken over by long time fans. On the one hand, this can be a good thing, such as with Doctor Who, (yeah, I know) and hopefully the next series of Star Wars films. But sometimes the results are nothing more than bad fan-fiction. Sometimes writers play the “What if?” game, or say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if ______?” in much the same way they did on the playground as children. That’s how an idea like a 21 Jump Street/Men in Black crossover comes about.

That or copious amounts of Class A narcotics.


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