The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled…

… was convincing the world that Klout scores matter.

Recently, some people have spotted flaws in the algorithm used to calculate Klout scores, because some of you have figured out how to game the system. I find it amusing that people would go to so much effort for the equivalent of a kindergarten teacher’s gold star, when they could be buying pudding so that they could get a free trip to Hawaii.

Side note: I think “algorithm” is a funny word, because Al Gore has no rhythm.

(Insert “Al Gore dancing” gif here)

There was a minor media implosion when the story broke that Justin Beiber had more Klout than President Barack Obama. There were cries of “How can this be?!” and “I told you Klout was b.s.” As for myself, I ignored the story altogether. I figured it was one of deals like when John Lennon stated that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus; not that I’m comparing the Beibs to the Beatles. That, or it was another case of someone not noticing the story was published by The Onion.

I hear you saying, “What about that person who applied for a job, only to lose out to someone with less experience, but a higher Klout score?” Yeah, apparently that does happen from time to time. Unless of course, it’s one of those elaborate urban legends that clog up the information superhighway. If it’s true, I feel for the person. Honestly. To me, it sounds like the person doing the hiring is one of those people who says things like “I only date supermodels,” and totally dismisses the other ninety-nine point nine ad infinitum percent of Earth’s female population based on nothing more than how it makes them look.

Not long after I planted my feet in the minefield that is social media, I checked my Klout score out of curiosity. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. At the time, I was on the low end of average and now, nearly three years later, I am on the high end of average. Woo hoo! I have always aspired to be considered average, and now I have definitive proof of my averagosity. Averageness? Mediocrity? Either way, bring unto me all your finest meats and cheeses!

There was a time, a while back, when I was in the top third of Klout scores. I thought something was a bit odd since I had less than three hundred Twitter followers, and most of them were bots. My Facebook friends were in the single digits; four were actual friends, two were cousins, and one was an ex-girlfriend. Not only that, I had, and still have, a blog that no one reads, much less tweets about or shares.

😦

I get e-mails from Klout from time to time informing me that my score has gone up, yet they don’t tell me what the score is. I have to visit the website to find out, which I rarely do–maybe four or five times a year. Then there are the e-mails informing me that Facebook has come “unplugged,” and I need to plug it back in. Does this happen to anyone else, or am I a special case? Maybe if I checked my score more often, this wouldn’t happen.

There may be some of you who think I am jealous or envious of other peoples Klout scores; nothing could be farther from the truth. If your score matters to you, then that’s all that matters.

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