Don’t Go Changing to Try and Please Me

This one is not exactly for the kids: You have been warned.

I few years ago I saw a documentary on Showtime called “Sexy Baby” and I wrote a draft that I didn’t post and I am glad I didn’t. I was never quite happy with it, and it took me a long time to figure out why. Now you know why I don’t do this for a living.

The film deals with the way our society has become sexualized in the Internet age. Some could make the arguement that it’s just a giant course correction to make up for centuries of puritanical oppression. Others see it as the next step in our inevitable transformation into Sodom and/or Gomorrah.

One of the three women profiled in the film is Nichole, who was known as “Nakita Kash” when she was in the adult entertainment industry; and believe me, it is an industry. Nowadays, Nichole teaches pole dancing, mostly to women who want to put on a show for their husbands and/or boyfriends. It’s so mainstream that I’m surprised that you can’t buy a pole at IKEA . . . Just don’t ask me to install it.

Nichole discusses the differences between sex on film and sex in real life. You see? There is a difference. I can hear you saying, “At least she gets to have porn sex, I’m stuck with ordinary, run of the mill sex.” Well, deal with it. If you want “porn sex” then get into the porn business.

The breakout star of Sexy Baby was Winnifred, who, when filming began, was twelve. Winnifred and her friend Olivia, (it’s always the friend) have “photoshoots” and post the pictures to Facebook, where people comment on them. (Rule One: Never click the comments button.) Let’s just say that that a lot of the comments aren’t very nice and leave that there.

Winnifred is actually very smart and quite astute, and some may go so far as to say that she is wise beyond her years. Yet, like a lot of people her age, she is caught between reality and reality TV.

Yes, there is a very real danger of becoming desensitized to sex and sexual imagery. Then, there are those who say that over the years society has placed too high a value on sex. That, and many of us have made sex seem shameful, i.e. “slut shaming.”

As with most things, there is a fine line, and I’ll be damned if I know where it is.

The third and final woman profiled in Sexy Baby is Laura, a twenty-two year old teacher from North Carolina. She visited a plastic surgeon to discuss having a process known as “labiaplasty.” This is a surgery that, well… It makes her labia less protrusive… If that is the correct term. Truth is, I never heard of this prior to viewing the film.

It doesn’t seem like all that long ago that the trend was breast augmentation, but now that has become as commonplace as changing your hair color. Now it seems that the focal point of the male fantasy of the “perfect” woman has moved south of Hooterville.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging Laura, nor am I against plastic surgery. I only hope that anyone, male or female, who decides to have elective surgery does it for the right reasons. What are the “right reasons”? I leave that up to the individual to decide. In Laura’s case, she became self conscious after her boyfriend made a comment about the appearance of her labia. As for me? I’m happy when labia appear.

I almost said, “happy as a clam,” but I was already pushing it with “Hooterville.”

At various points in Sexy Baby the filmmakers have a “man on the street” segment where they ask questions to members of the general public. (Rule Two: Never ask the public to give their opinion.) They might as well had a “dude-bro on the street” segment, because of the answers they recieved. If you don’t know what a “dude-bro” is, think Dick Casablancas from Veronica Mars, but without the couth, warmth, charm, and intelligence.

Anyway, these guys had some rather unflattering descriptions of labia, that I refuse to repeat. I do know what they are talking about when they are describing their “ideal” vision of a vagina, but I always thought vaginas that looked like that were the exception, not the rule–kind of like being a redhead. I would never criticize a woman for not having body parts that look just exactly how I think they should. I saw Vertigo at an early age, so I know that trying to change someone to suit our own desires has a dark side.

Some guys have body issues as well–take me, for example. I wish some things were smaller, and that other things were larger; I’ll leave up to you to figure out which is which. I’ll just say that you won’t see me in any pornos anytime soon.

Not that you’re missing anything.

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