Can I Get a Mindwipe? ‘Cause My Brain Hurts

A couple of days after watching X-Men: Days of Future past on blu-ray, I had the urge to watch another X-Men film, but I had watched them all last May. Well… Not all of them. There was one left and you know which one I am refering to.

That’s correct, I watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine. God help my soul.

Yes, I do own a copy. But in my defense, it’s on DVD, which I purchased for five bucks at the grocery store. Okay, I probably got hosed, but it contains a history of Wolverine by Stan Lee and Len Wein, which is probably worth a fiver.

It would be far too easy to crap on Wolverine, the hard part is trying to find anything nice to say. The scene where Logan gets injected with adamantium was pretty good. I liked Kayla (Lynn Collins). Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson was cool, but he didn’t have much to do. Taylor Kitsch was great as Gambit. It was nice to see the Blob.

But that’s the thing isn’t it? I have talked about this is pervious posts, so I will hit the highlights: One of the big problems of the X-Men franchise is that the writers seemingly chose the characters at random or at best, like a pick-a-mix at the candy shop. The First Class film was nothing like the one in the comics, because the timeline didn’t fit. Days of Future Past rebooted everything except First Class, but killed off a few characters, including Banshee, Angel, and Emma Frost. Why? I don’t know. Maybe plotwise it was for the best. I hope they don’t regret it down the road.

Even without the reboot, it seems that the filmmakers were willing to retcon Wolverine. In that film Emma Frost was Kayla’s younger sister (!?!) which makes no sense to me. There is a deleted scene in which a young Ororo (Storm) makes it rain. Director Gavin Hood explained that the scene was deleted because it made no sense, since Storm didn’t recognize Logan when he showed up at the mansion in the first X-Men movie. Da fuh!?! Then explain this: one of the kids rescued by Wolverine was a young Cyclops. Yes, his eyes were covered the whole time, but don’t you think he would have asked someone about the person who opened the cages? No one would know his name, except for Professor Xavier, but everyone saw the big dude with the metal claws; how many of them can there be? Then there is the fact that two of the rescued kids were Banshee (First Class) and Quicksilver (Days of Future Past).

And then there was Deadpool. Actually, he was Deadpool in name only. Saying Deadpool was in X-Men Origins: Wolverine is like saying the Mandarin was in Iron Man 3.

I’m Not a Fall Guy

I am not a fan of autumn. The short version is it means that winter is on the way. Brrr. I know someone who loves autumn and is always going on and on about how great the weather is, and I look upon them with great pity. This person also is a big fan of Nicolas Sparks, if that tells you anything.

I live in the area refered to as the North Georgia mountains, which is the prime viewing area for fall foliage. All I see are a bunch of dead leaves, but forests and trees and all that. This means that everyone in Metro Atlanta drives up here on weekends and clogs up the highways, so I just sit inside my house and watch football because I ain’t going anywhere and couldn’t get there even if I wanted to. The crazy thing is, these same people who love to look at dead leaves are the first one to complain when they have to rake them.

Spring is my favorite season because it means I can come out of hibernation. Some people try to convince that autumn and spring are not all that different, but I am not that stupid. Seventy-five degrees in spring is warm, while seventy-five degrees in fall is cool. One is T-shirt weather and the other it long sleeve shirt weather. Then again, weather, much like time, is relative. In some places forty degrees is a cold snap, while in others it’s a heat wave.

And then there is having to dress not for how the weather is, but for how it will be. Yeah, it’s cold in the morning, but to you want to walk around all afternoon while holding on to a jacket? Or, do you want to walk around all afternoon with a jacket on your arm because you know you’ll need it that evening? Of course, you could go preppy and tie your sweater around your neck.

Riding a bike in autumn is no walk in the park either. Half of my usual route is in the shade and the other half is in the sunlight, so do matter how I dress, it’s the wrong choice. Either I get hypothermia or I broil in my own juices, and neither option is preferable.

When winter finally shows up there is always some smartass who will say, “Where is that global warming everybody’s always going on about?” These are the same wiseguys who love to ask, “Hot enough for ya?” in the middle of a heatwave.

Over the past couple of years, the term “global warming” seems to have been replaced by “climate change.” Whoever is in charge of these things must have hired the same marketing gurus that thought Edge of Tomorrow should be renamed Live. Die. Repeat. for the blu-ray release. Yes, the latter is a better and far more accurate description of the film, but the fact remains that is was based on a novel called All You Need is Kill, which is a perfectly acceptable title.

As for climate change, I’ve been calling it, “screwed up weather” for a long time now. I think it fits the bill quite nicely.

Who Said DC Doesn’t Have a Plan?

You asked for it and you got it. DC Comics and Warner Bros announced their film plans for the next six years. So unless the Earth trips over its axis and goes hurtling out into space, we are well set on superhero movies for the foreseeable future.

Yay!

As I mentioned in my two previous posts, Marvel appears to be full steam ahead with Civil War. Then at some point Thanos will show up so that Captain America and Iron Man will stop fighting one another, bro-hug it out, and save the universe.

Avengers assemble!

Anyhoo. Some of the DC films on the list come as no surprize. We’ve known about Dwayne Johnson playing Black Adam in Shazam, but now we have a date: April 5, 2019. That’s what, thirty months away? What about leap year? Now I’m confused.

We also knew that David Ayer (Fury) will direct Suicide Squad. I am intrigued by this film. This could be a modern day Dirty Dozen. Word on the street is that they are looking at A-list talent to fill the roles, so that counts me out. Maybe if Guillermo del Toro ever gets Justice League Dark off the ground… It would have been so weird to have JL Dark before Justice League proper.

Weird, but very cool.

The best news may be that Wonder Woman is getting a solo film a few months prior to Justice League. Yay! I had thought that DC/WB were going to have Darkseid be the Big Bad in Justice League and somehow tie it in to the backstory of the Amazons. Maybe Darkseid and the New Gods attacked Earth many millenia ago and were defeated by Zeus and the Greek gods, and now they have returned. I guess that’s why I’m writing a blog and they are making fat wads of cash.

It was no major shock when we found out that Jason Momoa would be Aquaman, but who knew he would get a solo film? That brings us to the Flash. The new series is brilliant; all two episodes aired up to this point, but there is no crossover between TV and movies in the DC universe. Thank God. The biggest shock, to me anyway, was when it was announced that Ezra Miller would be portraying the Scarlet Speedster. Squee! I loved him as Patrick in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which is one of my favorite films of the past ten years. What we don’t know is which version of the Flash he will be.

That brings us to 2020 which gives us a Cyborg solo film, and the long awaited Green Lantern movie. Wait… What did you say? The Green Lantern film is a reboot? How can it be a reboot? There was a previous GL movie? Funny, I don’t seem to recall it.

It’s like Gone with the Wind, but with Superheroes

Welcome to part two. You were warned.

A major part of the rumor about the Marvel Cinematic Universe version of Civil War is that Robert Downey Jr. will have a significant role in the third Captain America movie, which may or may not be subtitled: “Looking for Bucky, No Not Really,” since Marvel likes to play bait and switch. For the most part I don’t mind, but sometimes…

Oh by the way, I can neither confirm nor deny that I will be playing Alexi Shostakov.

So far, the only 100% Captain America film has been The First Avenger. The Winter Soldier turned out to be about Hydra’s infiltration of S.H.I.E.L.D., but to be fair, a Captain America movie is the most logical place for that storyline. Also, it may turn out to be a sort of prelude to Civil War.

Speaking of preludes, the previous Captain America films led more or less right into the next installment of Avengers. Or, at least that is how it looks to my untrained eye. In the case of Cap 3/Iron Man 4, (5?)* it will be released in 2016, and Avengers: Whatever Happened to the Big Purple Dude? most likely will arrive in 2018. In between there will be any number of movies including: Ant-Man: Not an Edgar Wright Film, and Doctor Strange: We Finally Cast the Lead!

Some others that could be on the slate are: Thor: Loki’s Not Dead, and Guardians of the Galaxy: Hey Look, it’s Thanos. There is also a small possibility of Captain Marvel: About Damn Time, and Black Panther: No Subtitle.

The questions I have been asking myself are: How many Marvel characters does it take to pull off Civil War? Who will side with Captain America and who will side with Iron Man? What exactly are they fighting about? And, most importantly, how many colons can I fit into one blog post?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

In the comics, Tony Stark supported the Superhero Registration Act which, in part, required superheroes to reveal their true identity. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, everyone knows pretty much all there is to know about the Avengers because in The Winter Soldier, Black Widow uploaded all the S.H.I.E.L.D. files to the Internet. It trended and everything.

Another part of the act involved superheroes working as S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and collecting a sweet government paycheck. Toss in medical and dental, and I’d be willing to get bitten by a radioactive spider. Totally worth it.

*I threw that in as a joke because some of you out there like to refer to Avengers as “Iron Man 3.” In fact, these two posts were written with my tongue firmly placed in my cheek. It was all just a bit of fun to pass the time. No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.

Wars and Rumors of Wars

If it’s Wednesday, then there is a new rumor about one or more of the various comic book movies, I admit I am late to the party on the one about Marvel Civil War, but I wanted to see if there was any truth to it, or if it was like those stories you hear at work on Monday morning.

The rumor about me playing Vic Sage on Constantine? That one is totally legit.

At the time of writing, there has been there have been no official confirmation nor denial, but a number of reliable sites are going with it–but anyone can be fooled. Whether it’s true or not is beside the point. The point is: Can I take it to illogical extremes?

I think we all know the answer to that.

Since the mid-credits scene in Avengers we have been waiting for an intergalatic smackdown between Thanos and Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, but that looks like it may be pushed back until Avengers 4: No, We Haven’t Forgotten About Thanos. When DC/Warner Bros. announced that the Justice League movie was a thing, I joked that it would be hilarious if they fought Darkseid before the Avengers got around to Thanos. If the rumors are true, the first Big Bad the JL will face is going to be Brainiac. That still doesn’t mean Darkseid won’t show up before Thanos gets his mitts on the Infinity Stones. Right now, Vegas has the race at 50/50. But those are Terry Benedict’s casinos.

Stay tuned for part two, in which I confuse everyone by trying to figure out how all of this will go down.

U2: A New Frontier

One of the prevailing themes of U2’s lastest album, Songs of Innocence, is defining monents: Finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. When a parent dies. Discovering the world is not always a friendly place. Hearing a song that will that changes your life.

U2 have explored these subjects any number of times over the past thirty odd years, yet somehow they have managed to put a different spin on things. With time comes perspective, and with perspective comes learning. At least you hope that you have learned something, otherwise it’s all for nought.

I cannot say if Songs of Innocence represents a defining moment for me. Sometimes you know that nothing will ever be the same again, and sometimes you have to sit and wait for the fallout–good or bad. Only time will tell.

Songs of Innocence does represent a first for me. The first time I listened to it was via MP3. I had planned on waiting for the CD, but things don’t always happen the way I want. I’m not complaining, I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.

Gone Girl v Cool Girl

Spoiler Alert!

For many of us who read Gone Girl before seeing the film, one of the most anticipated parts had to be Amy’s “Cool Girl” monologue/diatribe. It may not be the modern day John Galt’s speech, but what it lacks in verbosity, it more than makes up for in smack talk.

Amy takes aim at women who, in her opinion, act like one of the guys in order to attract a man. According to Amy, these so called “Cool Girls” talk about sports, eat chili dogs, and so on, just for the attention. Her theory being that no woman likes that sort of stuff.

Gender stereotype much?

Amy doesn’t limit herself to attacking women who frequent sports bars; oh no. She also goes after women who claim to be attracted to vegans who love dogs, and comic book loving hipsters.

So you’re saying Fake Geek Girls really do exist.

One has to remember that these are the ramblings of a mad person not unlike, but far more venomous, than Tin Foil Hat Person at the subway station. You know, the one who is always going on about aliens and government conspiracies.

The Illuminati are real, though. Just so you know.

Why can’t some guys get it through their heads that there are women who love Star Trek as much as, if not more so? The last time I checked, there were any number of female characters in science fiction television series and films, but I guess they are just doing it for the attention and/or the paycheck. There are also many female writers, directors and producers; but not enough in my humble opinion.

But I digress.

I have known a few Cool Girls in my life, but not the ones that Amy described. I never would question someone’s authenticity, but then again, I am a weak spined, woman fearing coward.

But that’s another story.

I have known Cool Girls who have been taken advantage of by their boyfriends/husbands simply because they are seen as nothing more than “one of the guys.” Far too often, they let the man off the hook ,”‘Cause he’s a guy, and I’m a cool girl.”

Bringing it all back to me, since that is what this blog is all about, I don’t think I would want to date a “Cool Girl.” Well… not the kind Amy described anyway. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who felt like they couldn’t be themselves around me. Conversely, I wouldn’t want to change my core personality in order to be with someone.

I’ve seen that movie; I know how it ends.