This was not what I had in mind for today. I had planned on posting something completely different–something a bit more fun. Well, “fun” might not be the word I was looking for, but it will have to do.
There is a subject that I have been wanting to write about for many years, but I could never find the right words–yet that has never stopped me before. But seriously, every time I wanted to write about this subject, I found that words failed me. The best I could muster was a couple of lines of ramdom notes. Often, I will make notes or a series of bullet points and attempt to build from there. But this time something was missing.
I see myself as an emotional writer; that is to say that I often need to have some sort of emotional connection to the subject matter. If I try to write from a purely intelectual place the piece comes off as dry and uninteresting. Basically, it reads like a third grader’s report on a book that they really didn’t want to read. In other words: it’s nothing more than a series of declaratory sentences, which is what I really should call my blog.
A couple of months ago I had an “A-ha!” moment, in which I figured out exactly how best to write about this thing that has been stuck in my noggin for oh so long. I was able to take what for years had been two lines of notes and turn it into a multi page collection of thoughts and recollections. In fact it almost became the “monster in a notebook” that my piece on The Eagles became, but unlike that one, this was far more coherent and designed to be in multiple parts from the beginning.
When I had finished, I was actually pleased with the final product, which should have been a giant red flag waving in the wind. I felt good about myself as well, which rarely happens, since I am my own worst critic. I’m not saying that I was about to change the world or set it on fire, I was just happy to get my thoughts on paper.
As I’ve said before, a lot of times my first drafts are written longhand because I am a slow typer. Also, I find it easier to edit and move stuff around, especially with the longer pieces. Plus, I find that when I write longhand my work contains far more of my “voice,” whatever that is.
Since this was not a time sensitive subject, I set it aside to marinate for a bit. I wanted to wait until I had a few days in a row with nothing going on so that I could post it on consecutive days without interruption.
When I woke up this morning I thought, “Today is the day!” so, I decided to spend the morning in the editing room putting a final coat of wax on the post before foisting it upon an unsuspecting world.
And then I started having second thoughts.
It’s not that I think it sucks, but it isn’t quite as good as I remembered. But, then again, none of my stuff is. I always do this; I always hesitate before pulling the trigger when I give myself too much time to think. There have been too many times where I have written something on the fly, or fired off a tweet, when I should have heeded the advice of Herm Edwards: “Don’t press ‘Send!'”
If I ever do press “Send,” the post will be in a completely state from the one it is in now. It’s not a story that you needed to read, but it is one I needed to write… For myself.